Friday, March 15, 2013

The Call

Quentin: Today we went to see The Call, and we have two special guests joining us. A big Three Amigos welcome to Colin and David. Hey, guys.

Colin Mead: It’s a thrill to be here. I read all your reviews. Big fan.

David Foster: Me too. Even though I think you’re too critical sometimes.

Jason: Really?

David: I liked Oz a lot.

Jake: See? I told you.

Quentin: So what’s new with you kids?

Colin: Oh, nothing major.

Jason: Nothing major?

David. Really. Thanks a lot.

Colin: I kid, I kid. We do have a bit of news. David asked me to marry him.

Jake: Really? What did you say?

Colin: Yes, of course. 

Quentin: <high fives David> Congratulations.

David: Thank you. I turned 40 last month, so I figured it’s about time to settle down.

Jason: When’s the wedding?

Colin: This summer. We haven’t set a date yet. I’m still interviewing wedding planners.

David: My Vegas idea got shot down.

Colin: I am not getting married in Vegas.

Jake: How is your mom doing?

Colin: She’s ready for another Walsh clan visit.

Quentin: This is your first SXSW?

Colin: Yes. I’m psyched about seeing Topher and the boys tonight.

Jason: We’re not supposed to talk about them yet.

Colin: Why not?

Jason: Brad said not until the book comes out in July.

Colin. Well, since when did we listen to him?

David: I’m looking forward to the baseball game tomorrow with Cade and Travis.

Colin: Jason and I are going to Dallas to do some shopping instead.

Jake: And then on Sunday, we’re all going to Gay Bi Gay Gay.

Quentin: That’s a lot of gay.

Jason: You have a girlfriend to protect you.

David: Aren’t we here to talk about a movie?

Quentin: Good point. In general, I think we’re in agreement, right?

Jake: Absolutely the funniest movie of the year so far.

Jason: So bad it’s good.

Colin: An instant camp classic.

David: I don’t know if I would have had the same reaction had I not seen it with you guys. But the laughter was infectious, and I could see why you thought it was funny.

Colin: It was spectacularly bad. A rare find.

Jake: You two are corrupting influences. I thought we were going to get kicked out.

Quentin: Wouldn’t it suck if we became persona non grata at the Highland 10? Headline: “Three Amigos and old gay couple bounced from theater for disruptive laughter.”

David: Old?

Quentin: Come on, dude. You’re 40.

David: Good grief.

Jason: I can’t wait until it comes to streaming. We are going to MST3K this to filth.

Colin: I would pay good money to hear your running commentary on Halle Berry’s hair.

David: Have you ever actually seen MST3K?

Jason: No. But it’s part of the pop culture lexicon.

Jake: The first thing I noticed is that, structurally, it’s the same movie as Speed. The same high-adrenaline first act. The same cat and mouse second act, with the hero and villain connected remotely, only this time it’s the villain on the move.

Colin: But then it morphs into Silence of the Lambs.

Quentin: I was stunned. It’s almost a copy and paste job. Jason, you want to recap the set up?

Jason: Sure. Halle Berry plays a 911 phone operator. Frankly, it looks like the worst job in the world, listening to people’s emergencies all day.

Quentin: It’s basically a life or death call center.

Colin: I spent the first 15 minutes wondering how anyone works there. I couldn’t make it through a single call.

David: You would take one look at that Hive and exit the building.

Jason: One day, Halle Berry takes a particularly chilling call involving a psychopath and a teenage girl. It doesn’t end well, and six months later both hero and villain are back to fight another round.

Colin: So the bad guy has another teenage girl in his trunk and he’s driving around on the freeway. In broad daylight. The girl has a cell phone and calls Miss Berry, but it’s disposable, so they can’t track it. She kicks out the tail light and waves at people. She pours white paint out the hole. The bad guy is literally starting people on fire, and yet still, the police are unable to locate him.

David: That’s when you first started laughing

Colin: Utterly ridiculous. She was so bad at her job.

David: They needed Chloe from 24. She could have found him in minutes.

Jason: Who’s Chloe?

David: Before your time.

Jake: I think we should stress that this is a party movie. Watch it with a group of friends and make relentless fun of it. The plot twists are so contrived that…

Quentin: She works in a call center, but she can find the killer before the police?

Jake: And the way they get her down into that bunker.

Colin: Dropping the phone?

Jake: Yes.

Colin: Hysterical. “Oops, I dropped my cell phone down this bunker hole that screams serial killer, so I guess I have no choice but to go fetch it. Oh look, now that I’m down here, I don’t have any reception. Gee whiz, guess I have nothing better to do than look around.”

Jason. You’re funny, Uncle Colin.

Colin: You need to stop growing so fast, young man. Can you to stay 16 and adorable forever?

Quentin: Who’s the director?

Jake: Brad Anderson. He’s done a lot of television. Fringe, Alcatraz, The Killing.

Colin: Ugh. Alcatraz. What a terrible show that turned out to be.

Quentin: I thought at one point the camp might be intentional.

Jake: I don’t think so. It looks like he was just overwhelmed by the scale of the production, so he fell back on the tricks of other directors.

Jason: Like David Fincher.

Jake: Yes, all the stylized transitions.

David: You’re losing sight of the fact that it was highly entertaining.

Quentin: I agree. We want to emphasize the exceedingly good time you will have if you come to this movie with the right frame of mind. It’s everything Hansel & Gretel wasn’t. Halle Berry gives a pitch-perfect comic performance.

Jason: Laugh out loud funny.

Jake: We won’t spoil the ending, but it’s the final turn into left field.

David: Very Thelma and Louise.

Quentin: Are all your pop cultural references 20 years old?

Colin: Leave my future husband alone.

Quentin: I kid, I kid. Now we’re off to a private VIP party for Dime Box. We want to thank Colin and David for sharing the table today. Don’t forget to vote in our poll to decide what movie we’ll see next week. It’s the post right below this one.

Jake: The poll was my idea, by the way, so please vote so I don’t look stupid.

Jason: You could never look stupid.

Colin: Aren’t they precious?

David: Sure, now. But just wait until they grow up.


  1. How does Halle Berry vaccilate between great and awful films? I can't think of anything at the top of my head she's been a lead in that just been plain mediocre.

    Also, Brad Boney's new book needs to come out like, now, because if I read one more badly written M/M book I'm going to throw a fit. (Seriously don't waste money on TJ Klune's new book)

  2. This movie sounds as bad as it looked in the previews. Thanks for taking one for the team yet again and confirming it for me. You guys rock and Colin and David were a great treat.