Friday, June 14, 2013

Man of Steel

Quentin: That was not at all what I expected.

Jason: Today we went to see, big surprise, Man of Steel.

Jake: I actually wanted to see This Is the End. I’m just not that invested in Superman.

Quentin: I want to see that too, so maybe we’ll go this weekend and do another review.

Jason: Might as well, since school’s out.

Jake: What were you expecting, Q?

Quentin: Something more in line with tradition.

Jake: Why? I know he didn’t direct it, but Christopher Nolan’s fingerprints are all over this.

Jason: It’s definitely the Dark Knight treatment. I can’t say I was surprised.

Quentin: I’m not surprised he gave it the Dark Knight treatment. I’m surprised it didn’t work. I am invested in Superman. I’ve watched every Christopher Reeve movie, and I can’t believe I’m going to admit this, but all ten seasons of Smallville too. One of the things I loved about the TV show was that it was always in a kind of storytelling dialogue with the movies. This version completely divorces itself from that tradition, and I’m not sure it did them any favors.

Jake: Should we start with what we liked?

Jason: Henry Cavill.

Jake: He’s stunning. Easily one of the most beautiful men on the planet.

Jason: I’m surprised they didn’t shave his chest.

Quentin: He’s the best thing about the movie. And Amy Adams too. Even though watching Lois Lane get wrapped up in the biggest military operation ever was a little ridiculous.

Jake: Individually, I thought they were both great. But together, they had the chemistry of wet noodles.

Jason: What happened to Russell Crowe?

Quentin: He looked like he wandered in from the Royal Shakespeare Company’s production of Hamlet or something. One of the weirdest performances I’ve ever seen.

Jake: I liked the mosaic structure of the narrative; the way it bounces back and forth in the timeline without place and date stamps. I really appreciated the impressionist feel it gave to the movie.

Quentin: But it’s a comic book story, and they sucked all the fun out of it.

Jason: Not all.

Quentin: Most then.

Jake: Did anyone else notice that the infant Cal-El was exceptionally well hung?

Quentin: That was funny as hell. It looked like the CGI department gave the kid a little something extra down there.

Jake: Superboy penis enhancement.

Jason: And did anyone notice all the Jesus allegory?

Quentin: Oh my god, how could you miss it?

Jake: They really pounded that home, didn’t they? I dug up this older poster that illustrates what we're talking about.

Jason: Was it strange that he flies for the first time when he’s 33 years old?

Quentin: No, that made sense to me, because he doesn’t learn to fly until the end of the last season on Smallville. I would like to talk about a recent trend I’ve noticed, though. Okay, so this is a superhero action movie, and as such requires a certain number of action set pieces. I get that. And part of the formula is the final action sequence. I get that too.

Jake: I know what you’re going to say.

Quentin: The last hour of this movie felt like one long fight. The final action sequence has gotten longer and longer over the last few years, until now it’s about half the film. Wow, don’t get me wrong. I love stuff blowing up just as much as the next teenage boy, but come on.

Jason: it was too much. The level of violence and destruction is very high.

Jake: It didn’t feel like he saved the world.

Quentin: Can we talk about what we didn’t like?

Jake: I think we already crossed that line.

Quentin: I thought the whole thing was overdesigned, especially the alien technology. The Phantom Zone was too much and I didn’t like the Fortress of Solitude at all. They added a whole new layer to the mythology, which felt unnecessary to me. No Jimmy Olsen. No Lex Luthor. The movie was totally humorless. Except for maybe three or four moments of comic relief, there was no banter.

Jason: It’s not a banter kind of movie.

Quentin: Then I think it’s taking itself way too seriously.

Jason: Henry Cavill is certainly the most serious Superman ever.

Jake: I did learn something from watching this.

Jason: What’s that?

Jake: If aliens ever make it to Earth, we are seriously going to get our asses kicked.

Quentin: No doubt, dude. We would be totally fucked.

Jason: There was too much focus on the battle between Cal-El and Zod. That left the human race out on the sidelines, and I think it hurt the story.

Quentin: I agree. Of course, at a certain point, I realized this was all an origin story, just like Smallville.

Jason: They could rewrite whatever they wanted, as long as they got to a certain point at the end.

Quentin: Exactly. And Smallville rewrote things way more extensively, but it didn’t bother me as much. I think I might like the next installment better, actually. It may be more of the Superman I’m looking for, except they changed the relationship between Lois and Clark.

Jake: At every turn, it felt like they wanted to go in a new direction.

Jason: Purists are not going to like this. At all.

Jake: I’m watching the box office closely. If this tanks, it could be the end of the franchise.

Quentin: Especially after the Brandon Routh fiasco.

Jason: I didn’t mind that one so much.

Quentin: Oh, come on.

Jake: That was a real stinker.

Jason: Like we haven’t disagreed before. I find it hard to believe that anything could kill this franchise. It’s too iconic.

Quentin: <yawns> I need a nap.

Jason: It took you two days to get onto your summer schedule.

Jake: When did you go to bed last night?

Quentin: 4 am.

Jake: Crazy.

Quentin: I like being up at night. It’s too hot during the day for me.

Jake: You are all hat and no cattle.

Quentin: Thank you, Travis. Are we doing another giveaway next week?

Jake: Yep. Five e-book copies of #TheReturn on release day.

Quentin: Nice.

Jason: And next Friday is World War Z.

Quentin: I’m actually looking forward to White House Down.

Jake: Hopefully Channing Tatum won’t die in the first fifteen minutes of this one. Oops, did I just spoil G.I. Joe?


  1. I won't be going to see this movie based on your review. While watching the previews, I wasn't overwhelmed with enthusiasm about it, but I was willing to give it a try since Star Trek didn't do it for me in the preview but I ended up liking the movie. Like you, I plan to see White House Down. Do you think this is going to be too similar to Olympus Has Fallen? I like Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx so that alone will get me to the movie. And...I can't believe The Return is finally so close to release date.. I remember staring at that widget and it was 99 days instead of 19. Yeah!!! I'm ready for more characters to fall in love with the way I did with TNOB.

  2. I expect White House Down to be very similar to Olympus Has Fallen, but then Armageddon and Deep Impact were both asteroid movies from the same year, and I liked both of them. We live in hope. Q.

  3. I think I am still going to see it but have been warned. Rotten Tomatoes also has it barley hovering above 50%, not a good sign but Harry Cavill and Russell Crowe are going to get me to go.

    I'm hoping the Channing Tatum one is good and that not all the good parts are in the previuews.

  4. If someone had told us not to see it, we wouldn't have listened to them either =) -Jason

  5. Hah, now I`m interested to see it, for some specific reasons, lol. Waiting for World War Z review ;-)

  6. Is one of those specific reasons Henry Cavill with his shirt off? LOL -Jake

    1. Can not miss that ;-) Plus flying Jesus, well hung child, Crowe`s Shakespeare performance(which reminds me: Hugh Jackman`s Jean Valjean and his open shirt with so many hair I didn`t wanna see,hahaha).

  7. The Superboy penis enhancement really must be seen to be believed. -Jake

  8. Starting from 20th, in cinema, over here. Will let you know lol

  9. I am so glad I had read your review before I saw this movie. I didn't want to ogle the little boy parts but there did seem to be some oddity there :).

    Henry Cavill really fit the role and I liked Amy Adams but they weren't on screen together enough to see a romance develop.

    I agree that the movie needed some more shots of humor. How many times did we have to see how mean kids can be? Young Clark was also a bit bratty with Kevin Costner - the guy who had raised him and was his dad for all intents and purposes. And could they have made Diane Lane look any older???

    I must admit, though, to enjoying a scruffy Russell Crowe. He is delicious.

    I liked it but am telling others that you might just want to wait for the rental. It was no Star Trek or Iron Man.

  10. The public response has been much more favorable than the critical one. -Jake